dialects

a convo between two dialects:

me: wow dude! look at the sky! its like full of bees!

jimbobbyboon: aye. can thee prithee cometh ov'r and holp me pick mine own apples from mine own apple trees ere the bees cometh?

me: nah dude, cant tonight, I'm like super busy with the worms.

jimbobbyboon: Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch! Thou damned and luxurious mountain goat. If thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough what monsters you-

me: dude! what's up man? I'm busy! chill out oh my god.

jimbobbyboon: I pray for thy forgiveness o gracious lady. I am vehemently anxious, the cause being mine own roommate be sick with the yellow plague fever boil mess.

me: oh daaaaannnng! how is he?

jimbobbyboon: he is about to kicketh the bucket.

me: oh yeah he's the guy that like sold the farm for those two limited edition pokemon cards?

jimbobbyboon: nay yond's julio.  I am talking about meatyboi.

me: oh yeah, meatyboi. lol. to be honest, I like almost forgot about him. whoa...was that giant spray tan bottle always there?

jimbobbyboon: nay...art thee allergic to bees my lady?

me: oh lol, dude I haven't been able to feel my face for a while now, it wont be long before I die lmao.

jimbobbyboon: ahh we must all return to the dust from whence we came, To die:—to sleep:
No more; and, by a sleep to say we end. The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks. That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation. Devoutly to be wished.

me:l lol yeah, ditto my dude.

jimbobbyboon: mine own cousin did perish last monday after he consumed a bucket full of slugs

me: oof, that's rough buddy, was he allergic too? 

jimbobbyboon: nay, the slugs wast poisonous. his own mother did dare him to. 

me: ...dang dude your life honestly sucks. like really sucks.

jimbobbyboon: excuse me! thou sodden-witted lady! there is no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune. mine own life is rich and quite quaint and full of joy and happiness. how dare thee looks down upon mine own position whilst standing ten leagues beneath the earth!

me: yeah yeah, okay I get it. I'm sorry dude. but like  you don't need to go off like that for every little thing. I was just trying to suggest, you know, some family therapy. it sounds like your cousins family really needs it. I'm not trying to force you or any thing but maybe give the idea to them.

jimbobbyboon: nay, thou art correct in thine assumptions. mine own cousin wast a fine lad with a bountiful life ahead of him. his mother wast unfit for anyplace but hell. mayperhaps, they doth needeth therapy. 

me: yeah... you do that...okay dude I seriously gotta go right now. the bees.

jimbobbyboon: aye of course my lady, the bees. until tomorrow!

me: yeah... until...tomor-